It feels good to write! Unfortunately, I have not had the luxury of time lately to chill and jot down some delicious thoughts. Recently, I have decided to transition into a healthy way of doing things slowly. I am not on a fad diet, cutting anything out and not committing to working out 10 million hours within a week. Also, I am not weighing myself.
I had to stop these things because they were not working for me. I was fixated on the number on the scale and the number of calories and beat myself up anytime I missed the gym. Finally, the day after my 39th birthday, I weighed myself and put my scale-up. The only indicator I have is how I feel and how loose or tight my clothes fit on me.
I started this journey simply by walking. I used the word "simply" modestly, but since 2020, I have been working from home, drastically reducing my moving around. As a result, I sat 8 hours a day, and my legs grew stiffer and stiffer. I hate to admit that I am a slow walker now, but with each walk I take, I feel myself gaining momentum and moving a lot easier.
The real reason for me writing this is for the entire purpose of transparency. While starting this unconventional health journey, there were three things I discovered that cause more harm than good when attempting to lose weight.
1. I am the worse accountability partner
At the start of the partnership, it is a beautiful kinship, and then it falls apart. Ok, ok, I am the reason it falls apart. I don't know if it is the Gemini in me, but I hate doing the same thing every day. Most of my accountability partners were great with routine, and I would be responsible for ruining those routines. This, in turn, created angry accountability partners, and they either dumped me or stopped trying. I know one would say it was up to them to keep going, but I did sign up to help hold them accountable I was just not up for them to hold me responsible. Hell, I could not hold myself accountable; I was not in the right mindset. If my self-awareness were at today's level, I probably would have advised them to find someone more worthy of the position.
I'm sorry ex-accountability partners.
Don't get me wrong, I am now holding myself accountable, but it is only myself. I have a therapist and coach that make sure I stay on track. So yes, literally, professionals are watching over me. See how that awareness has kicked in.
2. Personal trainers are not my forte'
This is not a dig at anyone that hires a personal trainer; I just have not had the best experience with them. These experiences could also account for my mindset at the time, but I found some of them to be---BULLIES! It is already bad that I was teased for being fat my entire life, only to find myself paying copious amounts of dollars to experience the same thing. Also, I have never liked to be yelled at, and I am not sure how that is a motivator. If anything, it plays into my existing insecurities and makes me want to eat more.
Yelling may work for some people, but that shit makes me cry. Call me weak; I don't care--- I'm not too fond of it. I lost weight with some of them, but when I had vulnerable moments, I was judged for having them. There was no compassion for my weak moment, just someone mentally reducing me more than I already was. There was never any questions about the state of my mental health or questions about what motivates me. I do believe that people are encouraged differently. I don't understand how the same style fits everyone. I guess I will not find out anytime soon.
3. I am not good at eating the same thing
It is already a bummer that I have some food allergies and am limited to what I can eat. Eating barley and oats every day will depress me, and I will no longer do that to myself. I am good with the salads and lean meats, but it has to be a variety, or I am legit sad. In addition, I have a relationship with food and am not so happy with solely flirting with the same cuisine.
Learning the nutritional value of food makes it easier to play more with flavors and explore different types of food. For example, I have found that coconut sugar is delicious and helps me with my sweet tooth. It is unrealistic to cut sugar out of my diet entirely, but it is realistic for me to cut back. I am in the process of creating a lifestyle, not a statement. I used to want to lose weight for those who bullied me, but then I realized most of them are now struggling with weight right along with me. This gives me compassion for them because I know how mentally taxing this journey can be. That is why I am setting the rules that work for me.
Don't Be Shy? Can you relate to any of this? If so, please share your story or perspective.