Updated: Jan 28
Some people are always fixated on how their mate does not fulfill things that are asked of them. And when I mention people, I am people.
I used to stay angry at my husband for not being all the things I imagined he should be. What a crazy expectation to make a person live up to an imagination version of them? Yes, we are to establish an expectation with our mates, but not at the cost of their identity. If a person works so hard to live up to our phantom expectations, they will always fail because that is impossible.
Over last year, I jumped outside my head and started paying more attention to what my husband does. I used to feel like he wasn't listening, but then I thought back on when I shared a goal, and he would purchase all the materials I needed to get it off its feet. I used to feel unnoticed, but then I noticed how he would do things around the house I usually do to ease my load. How silly of me to have overlooked the small gestures he does for me.
I am pretty sure when in a relationship, there are a million little things each spouse does for each other and a household that goes unnoticed. These little things permit us the freedom to worry about certain things. I cannot tell you the last time I've pumped gas and honestly have to remind myself to check the gauge.
"The little things, small relationship gestures, I argue, are some of the most powerful ways we can nurture and build our relationships." Source: Psych Central
While in the relationship, it is important to acknowledge those little things. At times we fall victim to the societal expectations of marriage and press these ideologies on our mates. I used to feel like my husband and I was behind because we don't own a home. Then I realized we have shelter just like the homeowners; the only difference is ownership. We tend to add pressure to our mates when focusing on other relationships, and relationships are already hard work.
Do Love Languages Help us to Easily Identify the Small Things?
I'll start will full transparency, and admit I never read the book, but I took the test. I scored the highest in Quality Time. I appreciate it when people take out the time to hold a conversation with me. With my spouse knowing this about me, he has catered to me as such during the years. The irony of this is my husband has no idea what my love language is, but he fulfills that need. Whether you take the cheat sheet and learn each language or take the time to learn the spouse, both are equally important to ensure both spouses' needs are met.
When we have found ways to translate the things we need in order to feel, it helps the spouse to take notice of that small thing and it takes the pressure off the spouse that does not feel good enough. With anything, communication is key. Communication consists of speaking and listening to each other. It is those little things we don't communicate that spotlights feeling inadequate, invalidated, lonely, and unsupported. It is those same little things that snowball into big things that can ultimately rip a relationship apart.
So, it's most important that we take heed to the little things that are present that add to the quality of the relationship. Most times one would find those big things are comprised of a million little things that keep things at ease.
Don't Be Shy. Have you often missed the little things in your relationship? What are the small gestures you appreciate in your relationship?