Hey Beautiful: Anatomy of a Romance Scam

beyourownkind
Sep 14
8 min read

Before swipes and profiles, love was live in person ------- raw, unfiltered, and vulnerable. A nervous smile, a slip of the tongue, or maybe a former loving jumping out of the bushes to warning you...lol.

To date someone, you would have to be in the same vicinity or talk on the phone. There was no hiding behind the texts, and there definitely wasn’t a thing called catfishing. Yes, there was long-distance dating, but eventually, falling in love was about person-to-person contact, not falling in love with an idea of a person and becoming a victim of that idea.

I recently watched the Hulu docuseries "Hey Beautiful: Anatomy of a Romance Scam," and I was disturbed not only by how women were scammed by strangers out of thousands, even millions of dollars, but also by how these scammers are getting away with it. Perhaps I am writing ahead of myself because you may not have seen this docuseries, but essentially, these women spent their saved money for their golden years all in the name of love.

It’s easy to judge these women, but in a world where youth is valued and the dating pool thins as you age, it is easy to fall victim to loneliness and cling to the idea of a person who you think sees you for who you are. Because they needed to be loved, their intuition was damaged, and they experienced damage that may be irreparable. How can someone risk their life for a person they have not met? Maybe a mystery to some, but if you watch TLC's 90 Day Fiance series, you start to think, Maybe it is possible?” Even with reality TV in mind, I wonder if current dating reality shows and online dating may have altered how people experience love, vulnerability, and trustworthiness. Short answer, absolutely, but let’s dive into this review, and we'll revisit this question later.

Who’s Who: Key Players

Roxy

I have to say that Roxy was one of my favorites because, for one, I loved her accent, and she was pretty charismatic. Now, Roxy was an empty nester, and over time, she no longer felt connected to her husband of 51 years. Essentially, without the children in the home, it seems they and their husband had not altered their normal routine. Anyway, she played Words with Friends to pass the time away, and one day a guy named Scott Hall started chatting with her on the game. Then they began casual conversations, and months later, the conversations transitioned to WhatsApp, which later developed into an emotional affair. Then Scott asked her for $ 1,000, and she secretly gave him the money behind her husband’s back. Then Scott sent her a fraudulent check in the amount of $ 4,000, which she discovered through her bank. This forced her to confess to her husband, and she stopped contact with Scott.

Annette

Annette was recently divorced and also lost contact with her stepchildren as a result of it. On top of the divorce, her dog died, and she lost her home all in a week. So when the handsome Michael Da Silva popped up on a dating app, it was love at first text. After texting back and forth, Michael asked her for $10,000, and she reluctantly sent it, but he paid her back. After Michael asked her for $30,000, she was open to sending it to him, even when the bank advised her to verify his identity. She was later convinced this love affair was a hoax when Micheal stopped contacting her.

Gaby

Now, Gaby, I am still worried about it because I feel she is a scammer’s dream. She appears to have disposable income, as evidenced by her donation of over $1 million to her catfish. She, too, was married and fell in love with Michael Silver. What started as a torrid affair ended with her sending wires and Bitcoins to aid her lover. When he promised to meet with her several times and the bank begged her not to send wires, she was not convinced this love was a hoax. When she finally realized, her world was shattered, and she was determined to recoup her losses even though it led her to be scammed again in her pursuit.

Kathy

Kathy was the saddest story of them all; she gave her lover all of her savings and lost her house. Known for being responsible with money, this attribute went straight down the gutter when she met him. Not only did she lose everything, but she was laundering money from him, which in turn was scam money received from women all over the world. The money would be sent to her, and then she would send it to different locations. It is beyond me that after losing everything, she never thought to keep the money to herself, or how she ended up with this role. Did he have something on her? Was she being threatened? We may never know because she did not live to tell her story. Her sister was left with all of the pieces to this mystery, along with watching Kathy die from a broken heart.

The Man

So you may be wondering if this catfish was found, and the short answer is yes and no. The man behind the picture was identified as Brian Haugen, but he too was a victim, as his identity had been used by the scammers. Brian had no idea that his picture was being used under different names on platforms such as LinkedIn, Facebook, and other social media sites. The topping on the cake was that even though his picture was used for Roxy’s Scott Hall, Annette’s Michael Da Silva, Gaby’s Michael Silver, and Kathy’s mystery launderer, it was operated by different handlers. The three surviving women all set up a meeting with Brian, thinking he was the catfish, to discover that Brian was gay and had no interest in dating women.

The documentary took a slight turn when introducing Brian as a leather daddy. However, the silver lining is that Brian formed a friendship with Roxy, Annette, and Gaby and has supported them through their crisis. Also, he is technically a victim himself as his likeness is being used to scam women all over the globe. According to malwarebytes.com, “More than 66 percent of 850 respondents have been targeted by a romance scam, and those that were ensnared paid a hefty price, with 10 percent of victims losing $10,000 and up. A shocking 3 percent parted with $100,000 or more. “ The sad part is it may be a higher percentage; however, some women don’t share their story out of sheer embarrassment.

The Documentary Summed Up

By the last episode, it was discovered that these women were possibly targeted by the Yahoo Boys. Honestly, I have never heard of the Yahoo Boys, and apparently, they are located in Nigeria and target lonely women with crafty romantic gestures. This group is comprised of young and poor boys; however, someone is obviously not poor and is running this multi-million dollar scam. Although Meta has been reported to have taken down 63,000 Nigerian-based Instagram accounts, it still behooves me how a profile can continue to be created utilizing the same likeness multiple times. How is it possible for Brian to have his picture plastered everywhere undiscovered?

The Meta platform is valued at over $1.85 trillion, so I wonder why they cannot implement robust image verification systems. One of the points listed in the documentary is that Meta generates revenue from created profiles, as it drives a significant amount of traffic. According to an investigation held by BleepingComputer, they “observed instances where reporting fake profiles that impersonated an internet personality or a public figure concluded in such reports being dismissed after being processed, at least in part, through what appeared to be an automated decision-making system. We were further surprised to learn that even after appealing the decision, the outcome stayed, and the fake profiles in question have still not been removed from the platform.”

Honestly, I have been a victim of someone stealing my likeness on Meta, and after my friends and I reported it as fake, it remained there. I am not sure why protecting identities is not a priority for Meta, considering they are constantly paying out for security breach lawsuits. All in all, this documentary was an eye-opener on how innocent people are scammed due to the lack of awareness from simply falling in love.

Back to My Original Question

Have the current reality TV dating shows and online dating redefined love, vulnerability, and trust? Still, my answer is yes, especially when you think of who these scammers are targeting. Most of the targets are divorcees, elderly people, and widows and widowers, all are demographics that are sometimes forgotten and overlooked, and let’s be honest, are sitting on a nest of money to keep them comfortable either from divorce settlements, retirement funds, or insurance payouts. These scammer prey on their vulnerability and string them along for something real to basically rob them.

Technology has made it possible to form connections without face-to-face contact. Such devices, such as FaceTime, have made it possible to get that face-to-face contact. However, the way a person can claim a mate without ever kissing them, touching them, or even doing anything on an actual date has been replaced with long texts, morning check-ins, pictures of day activities, and a good-night call on voice note. I honestly think that connecting like this is largely attributed to social media, because, essentially, that is what we do: we post our ideas, pictures of the day, and sometimes end with a night post. If people can connect on social media, then it's possible for people to connect on an intimate level.

Red-Flag Tactics learned from the Documentary

I believe that the more people are educated about scams, the less likely they are to fall for them. Here are some pointers not only for you but for you to share with others, especially your family members over 60 years old.

Moving Platforms Quickly

The scammer would initially meet the woman on a social media platform and suddenly suggest moving to WhatsApp. Believe me when I tell you that anything associated with WhatsApp, I run for the hills.

Love Bombing Early

If the suitor is laying the compliments heavy from the start, this includes mentioning falling in love, nope! True love builds gradually, and being in love within weeks is suspect.

Avoiding Video or In-Person Meetings

Avoidance of meeting or making excuses when it's time to meet or FaceTime, or being scammed. Additionally, if you are on FaceTime and only see the face and not the entire body, you may be talking to an AI-generated video.

Fabricated Emergencies

In life, there are emergencies, but theirs is always an emergency, and it will cost YOU money. Don’t send the money. These emergencies will be emotionally charged and tug at the heartstrings.

Identity Theft

The scammers steal photos from real people. When in doubt, conduct a reverse image search on Google to see if multiple profiles are tied to the picture.

Isolation & Secrecy

When a scammer always wants to keep the relationship a secret or encourages you to separate from family and friends. If the relationship is healthy, they shouldn’t mind talking with family members and getting to know them as well.

Exploiting Vulnerability

Most women who share their vulnerability with the scammer are likely to be taken advantage of. When being approached, be careful what you share and don’t share too quickly.

The golden rule is when in doubt, block this person, report this person, and move on. Please trust your gut because it will never steer you wrong.

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✨ About Be Your Own Kind

Be Your Own Kind (BYOK) is a space for self-love, cultural storytelling, and embracing the journey. Through blogs, podcasts, and creative projects, Nita shares real stories, affirmations, and reflections designed to inspire confidence and connection.

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